Heartbreak
by PandaPjays
Summary: Kai and Rei have very different perspectives on the date they went on the night before. KaiRei. Oneshot. Rated for suicide.


I decided to try my hand at a bit- ok maybe a lot- of angst. I was feeling very depressed for whatever reason... oh wait! that's right! I seem to have contracted a new non-lethal form of SARS or similar. Needless to say if you see any of my vital organs lying around don't worry I've just coughed them up I'll be around to collect them sooner or later.

Now that I think about it that's a rather scary image.

Anyway Disclaimer and warnings.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Beyblades in any form or fashion so don't sue

**Warnings:**KaiRei (though they never actually see each other), Character suicide (told you I was depressed)

* * *

_My dear Rei,_

_I am sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry for being such a cold, unforgiving bastard. I'm sorry for even thinking I'm worthy to look upon your perfection. I'm especially sorry for presuming that I could take you on a date and expect you to enjoy yourself._

_I'm sorry for being who I am and I'm sorry for loving you._

_I'm sorry if this causes you pain. Please don't shed tears for me, I don't deserve it. Please continue on with your life and find someone who does deserve you. Find someone who will cherish and love you as much as you deserve._

_I will love you forever and will always be watching over you._

_Goodbye._

_Kai_

-o-_  
_

Rei opened his eyes slowly as consciousness invaded his mind. He stretched languidly and hummed contentedly. Life was good.

He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes while he relived the last night moment by moment. He saw the barriers that his captain had erected around his heart slowly melt away as the night wore on. He remembered the exact way that Kai's eyes had glinted when Rei had let him chose what restaurant they went to.

He most of all remembered the last three words that Kai had whispered in his ear as he said goodnight.

Yes, life was good. Life was very good when you were in love and the object of your affections returned your feelings.

Rei let his limbs flop against the bed and sighed in deep contentment. Who would have known that Kai had felt that way about him?

That didn't matter now. What did matter was that Rei knew. He knew of Kai's feelings for him and his joy was boundless.

-o-_  
_

Kai stared at the knife he held in his hands. He turned the blade so it reflected the small amount of light in the room.

Back and forth, back and forth he turned the blade, mulling over his decision.

He knew that it had been a mistake to ask Rei out. He knew that the neko-jin could never love him in the same way. Instead he persisted with his idiotic fantasy.

He had imagined that each time Rei had smiled the smile that made his life worth living was real. He had pretended that the fake happiness radiating from the neko-jin was based on real joy. He had tried to fool himself that Rei had smiled when he told him of his true feelings.

But Kai had never been able to fool himself. He knew that every smile that Rei had given him had been forced. He knew that the happiness radiating from him was put on. He knew that that hadn't been a smile. It was a grimace. Why else would Rei have left so abruptly?

Kai sighed as he watched the play of light on the knife's blade. Why did he even bother? It's not like he even had had a chance with Rei. How could an angel like him ever feel affection for a monster?

-o-

Rei listened as his alarm clock began to play his favourite radio station. He smiled as he recognised the song. He sat up and rolled off his bed before he ambled into the bathroom, absently singing along.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror and could not help but smile at the picture he made in it. He had not bothered to wrap up his hair tightly last night and now he would have to accept the consequences.

He had crazy-hair. It stuck up in weird peaks and angles that defied gravity.

Sighing, he reached for his vast collection of hair care products. This was going to take a while.

About half an hour later Rei emerged with his hair tamed. He hummed along with the radio as he stared longingly at the phone, willing it to ring.

It remained obstinately silent.

_Maybe I should ring him?_ Rei wondered to himself before shaking off that notion. _Nah, he's probably still asleep and the last thing I want to do is disturb that._

So he reached over to the coffee table and picked up a random magazine, skimming the article he opened it to. He didn't register any of it. He was too busy replaying last night's date and searching each of Kai's gestures for every nuance of meaning.

-o-

Kai could feel the tears running down his cheeks. Why did he take Rei out on a date when Rei clearly hated him? Why did he even speak to him when each word obviously deepened Rei's hate for him? Why did he breathe when each breath caused Rei pain?

Yes, why did he breathe? Why couldn't he just abandon this cruel life and leave Rei to enjoy not being near him? Why did he continue his existence when Rei's hate would only get stronger? Why not end it and have Rei hate him for dying. At least that hate was constant. At least that hate never increased.

He stilled the knife in his hand. This was the moment of decision. Did he stop Rei's pain or take the coward's way out? Did he rid the world of the blight on it that was him? Or did he continue to poison the world with his existence?

Kai hissed in pain as he felt the blade of the knife cut through his flesh. He withdrew it and held it up to the light.

It no longer reflected white light. The light that bounced off it was a crimson shade. The colour of his eyes. The colour of his blood.

He cut into his other wrist but this time he felt no pain. His pain was nothing compared to the pain that his existence caused Rei. This was only a fraction of the suffering he was saving Rei from.

Kai watched the blood drip from his wrists on to the clean, white sheets, fascinated. This surely couldn't be the substance that kept him alive. It just seemed so… insignificant.

The red liquid that was draining from his body couldn't be his blood. It shouldn't be this easy. Death was meant to be a momentous thing. It wasn't the result of a few litres of liquid running from your body.

_I guess I don't even deserve for my death to mean anything. I don't even deserve to die like this. But this is how I am going to die. In a dark room, alone with the only person I truly love hating me._

These thoughts flickered through Kai's mind as his world became cloudy. He watched the crimson pools form around his body until he couldn't see anything else but the deep red colour.

_I thought your life was meant to flash before your eyes when you died? I guess that only counts for people who've had lives. I've only existed._

His vision began to fade as he began to struggle for breath. He closed his eyes and forced himself to stop struggling against the inevitable.

_This was my choice. It's probably the only right choice I've ever made._

_I hope this makes you happy, my love._

-o-

Rei sighed and put down the magazine.

_Maybe I'll surprise him by turning up? He'll like that._ He thought as he dressed himself.

He switched of the radio and walked out the door, shutting it behind him. He set off in the direction of Kai's apartment humming to himself happily.

_Today is going to be a good day._

* * *

Please Tell me what you think and don't hesitate to criticize- I want to know how I can improve.

Ok, excuse me while I go and huddle in my nice warm bed feeling sorry for myself


End file.
